


Packing Heat

by 3HobbitsInATrenchcoat



Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Mystery Trio, Nonbinary Stanley Pines, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-13
Updated: 2020-09-13
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:27:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26450380
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/3HobbitsInATrenchcoat/pseuds/3HobbitsInATrenchcoat
Summary: A brief fight between twins has... mixed results.
Relationships: Fiddleford H. McGucket & Ford Pines, Fiddleford H. McGucket/Stan Pines, Ford Pines & Stan Pines
Comments: 10
Kudos: 36





	Packing Heat

**Author's Note:**

> Based on a facebook post I saw that read: " Can a cis guy do this? *pull packer out of pants and hurls it across the room* YEET"

“You know what? You're an absolute DICK, Stanford.” Stan's voice growls from the kitchen, catching on syllables in the way it only does when they're fucking furious. Fiddleford peers around the corner warily, spotting the twins facing off in front of the sink.

Ford's expression twists, “I'm fucking _trying,_ Lee! You yourself said this wasn't going to be easy!”

“Save it, I'm done.” Stan turns away, starting for the hallway Fiddleford is currently hiding down. “I'm hot, my back hurts, I popped a hook on my binder fighting a fucking gnome, and this STUPID PACKER SLIPPED AND IS RIDING UP MY GODDAMN ASSCRACK.” With no time to be anything more than vaguely horrified, Fidds watches Stan wrench down their fly, dig around in their underwear and then _hurl_ something across the kitchen at their brother.

Ford catches it instinctively and then drops it with a disgusted yelp. “Stanley that is _disgusting._ Why is it _damp_?”

“You're the scientist, you figure it out. I'm taking a shower.” Not even bothering to zip their fly, Stan storms down the hallway. A few moments later Fidds hears the door slam and the shower start sputtering.

“What was that all about?” says Fidds, finally daring to creep into the kitchen. He watches Ford prod a sad damp pile of what looks like socks with his toe before picking it up with a pair of salad tongs.

“I may have accidentally insinuated that Stan was lucky they can't get kicked in the balls.” Ford's shoulders slump. “They're right to be mad I just...” he holds the now clearly-phallic object as far away as physically possible. “I am going to ritually burn this and make them a new one. This is nasty. It may in fact be worse than any jock strap I have ever had the misfortune to encounter.”

“Um.” Fidds starts backing towards the door. “Alright then, Stanferd. You do that, maybe ask Stan what they want or somethin' first... I think I need... I think I hear somethin' rummagin' in the back garbage. Bye!”

He books it down the hall before he can get any more entangled in the twins' fight. Between his best friend and partner... he wants no part of this.

Two days later, Stanley leans over at breakfast, pleased as punch.

“Guess what, Fiddlenerd? My balls have _racing stripes now,_ wanna give them a ride?”

Fidds spits his coffee out across the table, Stan's helpless laughter ringing in his ears. On the other side of the kitchen, Ford lowers his face into his hands. “Oh, I may have made a mistake.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is probably one of the stupidest things I have ever written. XD
> 
> Please come yell at me on [tumblr](http://3hobbitsinatrenchcoat.tumblr.com)


End file.
